Homesickness

While most people crave for Adobo or Sinigang, I crave for the words "sige", "tara!", and "ha?". While most people miss the company of their friends, I miss the company of Filipino speakers. While most people yearn for the comfort of their beds, I yearn for the comfort of my native slang.

Homesickness, for me, is not longing for a place or a person -- that's called missing. Homesickness, for me, is longing to speak my language -- to freely communicate without translating words and statements in my head.

The first time I felt it, was on a 5-day training seminar in Phuket, Thailand. There were junior consultants, senior consultants, and managers from all over Asia but I was the only delegate from the Philippines. Although I didn't have a shortage of company and I was continuously conversing with associates from Singapore, China, Indonesia, and Hong Kong, it was all in English. And the pressure to avoid saying something stupid and to say it intelligibly was mentally exhausting and depressing. It was so that the first Filipino conversation I overheard almost made me tear-up and drove me to initiate a small talk with them.

The second time, was during my volunteering trip with a hostel/AirBnb in Kyoto. I was on my 5th day and we were hanging out at our lounge when I realized that they were all speaking in their native language. The Japanese grandma was speaking in her Japanese dialect, the Malaysian girl was speaking in Malaysian English, and the American guy was speaking in English as well while I kept translating Filipino statements in my head and speaking out in a foreign language. It felt unfair. The next morning, I was still annoyed that I was blurting out Filipino expressions and phrases regardless of whether they understood me or not. This eased up my frustration a bit and I felt okay the succeeding 3 days before I came into Filipino company again and was able to speak the language freely.

Now, I'm planning to travel for at least 3 months across South East Asia with no prospects of meeting up with Filipino friends along the way. I know I'll feel homesick again and most likely within a week of being abroad. It will be extremely frustrating and depressing. But somehow, the idea seems irrelevant and the least bit of my worries. While most people are afraid to leave for fear of getting homesick, I am afraid to leave for countless reasons not one of which is homesickness.

Travelling with friends from home definitely brings more comfort than just company. It also offers a cure for homesickness, whether it be for food, activities, sympathy, or communication.