Same Old

There's this certain website which allows one to send emails to the future. It's actually very simple. The website saves and keeps the letter written at the present and sends it out only at the specified future date, ranging from a couple of days, to several months, and even to a few years. Any future date would work. Also, there is an option to keep the letter private or to publish it publicly for everyone on the site to read. I’ve always kept mine private but it’s really interesting to read what other people tell their future selves. Some are hilarious while some are just weird. Either way, the letter will only be re-opened on the specified future date.

I first came across futureme.org in a teen magazine a few years ago. I immediately found the idea interesting and I soon found myself sending letters almost every month. For me, it's like a time capsule wherein the letter from my past self would take me back to that certain past period, relieving how I was back then and seeing how much I’ve changed. It's also kind of romantic — like receiving a love letter from an anonymous admirer, but instead of the sender being anonymous, the content is. I know the letter came from my past self but I wouldn’t know what I wrote to myself. It could contain either beautiful experiences or unforgiving scolding and frustrations.

Anyway, I usually use the website to write about my current thoughts, situation, frustrations, and difficulties – things I just want to get out of my head but don’t want to tell anyone or moments I would want to reminisce in the future. One night, a letter arrived in my email. As usual, I wasn’t expecting it. But I was neither ecstatic to receive it. I was having a pretty rough week and I feared the letter would add up to that stress so I avoided opening it. Unfortunately, that same night, I accidentally opened the letter while I was deleting some other emails. And as I suspected, it was indeed an un-delightful letter.

The title posted a challenge (more of a plea, actually) as I was describing who I was a year ago with a list of all-negative traits. Unfortunately, as it figures, I am still the same miserable me I was a year ago. Not one of those counter-productive adjectives changed or even mellowed down. It’s actually depressing to think about it. But maybe, all those qualities really do belong to me, that I wouldn’t be who I am if any of those disappeared. For instance, Melanie Marquez would no longer be Melanie Marquez if she learned to speak fluent English or Fr. Dacanay would cease to exist if he managed to take out that ugly frown and tacky comments. Also, Courage, the cowardly dog would no longer be courage if he finally became completely courageous.

As undecisivebutperkychinese, one of my closest friends, said, we should all learn to accept and embrace our negative traits. We should proclaim them and not try to hide them. And then, we would be able to live with these negativities, surpassing these and even making something productive out of them.

With this, maybe I should stop trying being not impulsive. Maybe I should just make the most out of it (but of course, still with care). Hopefully, this trait would get me to where I really want to be.

Cheers to confusion and more!

Chillin' at the top of Taal Volcano