Same Old

There's this certain website which allows one to send emails to the future. It's actually very simple. The website saves and keeps the letter written at the present and sends it out only at the specified future date, ranging from a couple of days, to several months, and even to a few years. Any future date would work. Also, there is an option to keep the letter private or to publish it publicly for everyone on the site to read. I’ve always kept mine private but it’s really interesting to read what other people tell their future selves. Some are hilarious while some are just weird. Either way, the letter will only be re-opened on the specified future date.

I first came across futureme.org in a teen magazine a few years ago. I immediately found the idea interesting and I soon found myself sending letters almost every month. For me, it's like a time capsule wherein the letter from my past self would take me back to that certain past period, relieving how I was back then and seeing how much I’ve changed. It's also kind of romantic — like receiving a love letter from an anonymous admirer, but instead of the sender being anonymous, the content is. I know the letter came from my past self but I wouldn’t know what I wrote to myself. It could contain either beautiful experiences or unforgiving scolding and frustrations.

Anyway, I usually use the website to write about my current thoughts, situation, frustrations, and difficulties – things I just want to get out of my head but don’t want to tell anyone or moments I would want to reminisce in the future. One night, a letter arrived in my email. As usual, I wasn’t expecting it. But I was neither ecstatic to receive it. I was having a pretty rough week and I feared the letter would add up to that stress so I avoided opening it. Unfortunately, that same night, I accidentally opened the letter while I was deleting some other emails. And as I suspected, it was indeed an un-delightful letter.

The title posted a challenge (more of a plea, actually) as I was describing who I was a year ago with a list of all-negative traits. Unfortunately, as it figures, I am still the same miserable me I was a year ago. Not one of those counter-productive adjectives changed or even mellowed down. It’s actually depressing to think about it. But maybe, all those qualities really do belong to me, that I wouldn’t be who I am if any of those disappeared. For instance, Melanie Marquez would no longer be Melanie Marquez if she learned to speak fluent English or Fr. Dacanay would cease to exist if he managed to take out that ugly frown and tacky comments. Also, Courage, the cowardly dog would no longer be courage if he finally became completely courageous.

As undecisivebutperkychinese, one of my closest friends, said, we should all learn to accept and embrace our negative traits. We should proclaim them and not try to hide them. And then, we would be able to live with these negativities, surpassing these and even making something productive out of them.

With this, maybe I should stop trying being not impulsive. Maybe I should just make the most out of it (but of course, still with care). Hopefully, this trait would get me to where I really want to be.

Cheers to confusion and more!

Chillin' at the top of Taal Volcano

Unemployment

"Everyone has a job to do."




I wonder what mine is.

Gone in Nagcarlan

During the start of June, I declared to be on a climbing hiatus, for several reasons mentioned in a previous entry. However, I wasn't able to live up to that declaration because of a previous self-promise that I deemed more weighty. It was a promise of going to at least one out-of-town trip or adventure trip every month, in fulfilment of my ultimate goal of travelling all over the world someday, (beginning with my home country).

And so, towards the end of June, I abruptly began planning for a day climb with Adventurebuddy. I wanted to go with my staple go-out friends, whom I got to take interest in climbing, but they unfortunately had other plans that weekend. In the end, after much anxiety and hesitation for fear of accidents and inability to respond properly to situations, Adventurebuddy and I went on to climb Mt. Nagcarlan in Laguna four days before the month ended.

It wasn’t an easy trip not only because we didn't train for it but also because it wasn’t an ideal time for climbing. It was the rainy season and the recent storm had just passed. Because of this, the mountain was swarming with a thousand newly-hatched, starving, dengue mosquitoes whose bites go through clothing and who happily fed on my blood. By the end of the climb, I got almost a hundred bites, mostly on my upper left back thigh. Not a great souvenir at all.

Moreover, because no one have been using the trails, vegetation already covered some parts of it, causing us to get lost several times and forcing us to make our own path. We climbed over fallen bamboo trees enveloped by black ants, walked through bushes and spider webs, and earned scratches and cuts in the process. At first, it was a bit delightful. But after 30mins of constantly diving through thick foliage, I started thinking of being lost forever. I recalled the episodes I saw in the Discovery Channel about people getting stuck in the wilderness and almost dying, ("I Shouldn't Be Alive"). Fortunately for them, they have 911 and forest rangers. Unluckily for us, the Philippines has a non-efficient and unreliable system of those.

The disappearing trail

Anyway, after almost an hour of being lost, we spotted an ill-constructed hut and headed for it. And then, we were back on the trail. We reached the summit almost at noon, an hour late from our IT. Although it had

a magnificent view of the lakes,

the nearby mountains,

and the towns below,

we couldn't quite enjoy it because it was too hot. There was absolutely no shade and we just resolved into enveloping ourselves under the "banig" Adventurebuddy brought. After 30 minutes of trying to hide from the sun, we decided to go down to have a real shade under the trees.

White cross erected at the summit

Although we were mostly alone during the whole trip, we did meet some interesting characters. First, there was Manongtricycledriver who kept trying to converse with us amidst the riotous noise of the tricycle on our way to the Barangay Hall. It was really loud and it was difficult to hear each other because of that and the strong wind but he kept bragging to us about how often and how conveniently he would climb the mountain--how tired he was of it already. Although he was kind enough to direct us to the right registration area, he may have also over-charged us. Anyway, he was more helpful than harmful.

Next was Manongnapaakyatdin whom we met after getting back to the trail. He was with his dog, whom he called Blackie and who kept barking and coming at us, and his horse, who looked very exhausted and unfortunate because of his heavy load. Manong politely invited us to walk with him to avoid getting lost (although we already did). We tried to keep up with him  but we were already very tired and ended up way behind him. At times, we would be able to catch up with him because his horse would stop out of extreme exhaustion. I was quite thankful every time that happened. However, he would immediately start hitting and scolding the horse to keep going. It was pretty obvious that the horse is already worn-out, especially that it carried all the supplies, but Manongnapaakyatdin didn't seem to care. Either way, although he mistreated his horse, in my opinion, he was still kind enough to point us towards the peak.

Lastly, there was Mang Bibing whom we met on the hike down. We were taking a break from the afternoon sun when we saw him walk towards us. We asked for directions towards the highway and to Pansol and he was happy enough to give it in detail. Afterwards, he asked if we know someone interested to buy land. If not, he said we could look for one and inform him about it so that we could share commission. He was basically hiring us as real estate agent. Although we promised to come back if ever a buyer comes up, I don't think that will happen, especially that we really don't intend to actively look for a buyer.

Anyway, those three strangers all have one thing in common. They kept asking us where the others are and why was there only the two of us. Although I understand that it was more customary to climb in groups, I still wish that people not get surprised if they see something out of the ordinary.

Cheers to climbing and to random people.

Mt. Nagcarlan

The Wonder of Driving

Whenever people ask me if I want a car, I would bashfully answer that I don't. Instead, I would tell them immediately that I want a car WITH a driver. Most of the time they, they would laugh at the silly idea, saying that it's too ambitious, that having a driver limits the whole idea, or that what I really want is a boyfriend with a car. I quite agree with everything that they say but I still wouldn't want to drive my own car.

I just find this act too much of a hassle and too much of a challenge. Driving one's own car, one would have to face the challenge of manoeuvring it through the streets of Manila, along with immoral jeepneys and over-confident buses, instead of just relaxing at the passenger (or back seat), and waiting arrival at the desired destination. And after successfully conquering Manila traffic, one still has to worry about and look for a safe and available parking space instead of just hopping out of the car and straight to wherever. See? Isn't it just more convenient to have a car with a driver instead of having just a car?

This idea was reinforced when driveanywherebuddy agreed to teach me how to drive one night. It wasn't actually the best time for me to have driving lessons but it was definitely the best time to talk someone into letting a non-driver drive his car. And so, we exchanged seats. I never really had driving lessons before nor have I ever stepped on a gas pedal. I was always the passenger and I didn't mind that.

Anyway, the driving lessons were quite successful. I drove around in a village for 30minutes without bumping into anything or having the engine die (it was an automatic car), and even though it was really difficult to see the perimeter. I was so keen and focused on driving that I was seating on the edge of the driver's seat, with my head almost at the driving wheel. More so, it was so intense that I found a big deep bruise on my right thumb the morning after (have you ever heard of such?)

This might be the point I got my bruise

Anyway, from that short, untimely driving lesson, I learned that it was very easy to hit objects and to not notice it at all, that it was very easy to get your car scratched, that it was very difficult to look at the side mirrors (and basically anywhere else except the front road), that it requires tremendous skill to be able to brake smoothly, that driving isn't at all comfortable, and that people who can drive (especially big and long vehicles) safely and still make decent conversation are amazing! I have a new respect for drivers now. I now know not to bother them too much when they're doing their thing, especially when backing up, and to avoid giving last-minute directions.

Maybe these just all came from my newness to driving and that it would change once I do learn how to drive. I'm not saying ‘no’ to learning how to drive (I’m actually getting more inclined to it) but I still want a car-with-driver if given a chance, especially in the Metro.

Cheers to having cars and having someone drive them for you!

:D

Two Tugs For A Milk Box

An old lady begging for alms was sitting on the corner of a popular street. She looked very weak and feeble, wearing tattered clothes and holding on to a worn-out stick. She was stretching her hand out and blindly tugging at anyone who passes by her, but no one ever paid attention. It was as if she was just an annoying little bug, better off ignoring than shooing away.

At last, it was my turn to walk past her, to ignore her, and to act as if she never existed. It was my turn to experience her tug and to be one of the hundreds of people who failed her. However, the scene didn’t turn out the way it typically did.

******

It was past lunch time and I was quite in a hurry. I stopped by a convenience store to get some change and as soon as I got out, it was then that I saw her. It wasn’t the first time I saw her sitting there. And it wouldn’t also be the first time that I would walk right by her.

As I hurriedly crossed the street towards her corner, guilty thoughts raced through my mind. “There she is again. Should I give her something this time? But I’m almost late and am quite hungry too. Oh well, I’ll just do what everyone else does. I’ll just pretend I don’t see her even if I know I should help her.”

Resolved with this thought, I innocently walked to her corner. As expected, I saw her hand reach out before me, pleading for anything to ease her agony. And as I have settled on, I proudly ignored her. However, she reached out for a second time. This time, I felt a strong tug at my arm, demanding that I take notice. I wasn’t prepared for this second tug. I wasn’t able to think but just heeded to that tug. And so, I abruptly stopped, turned to her, and handed over the milk box that was supposed to be my brunch. I even waited for her to get the small straw that I’ve already opened. Afterwards, I turned to the street again and continued my swift walk.

I then thought, why did I do that? What made me do that? And then I remembered that second tug. She tugged my arm even though she really didn’t have an intention to. However, along with that arm, she tugged my heart. But did she really have to call out twice for me to answer?

******

I don’t usually feel compassionate with poor, homeless people on the street, maybe because I’m used to their presence and have accepted the fact of their existence and my inability to change their status. I know I want to help them and I know I should but I guess I just don’t feel too strongly about that that I resolve to holding it back. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this and I know that it shouldn’t be that difficult to give something but I guess it would always be a big challenge to be completely selfless.

PS: I feel that this is an unfinished entry but I can't quite put into words how I really feel about this. Maybe I'll update this as soon as I can.